If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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