What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
