guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
