dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
