so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
