I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
