Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize