alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
