i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
