this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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