How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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