We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
