If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
