You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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