Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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