Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
