Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
