Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
