i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
