Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize