I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
