when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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