Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
