I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
