goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
