when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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