Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
