I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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