he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
