Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize