Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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