yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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