I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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