i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
