In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
