i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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