So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize