i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize