I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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