Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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