Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
