Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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