why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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