honey bunches of taint.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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