So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
