last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize