full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
