Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
