There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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