from now on my penis is your penis
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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