Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
