yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
