God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
