I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
