a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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