Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
