I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
