First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
