apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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