I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
