I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
