You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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