Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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