Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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